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We figured what better way to get our name out there than by entering a contest, and hey! we could win free Oreos!

Little did I know that somehow there would be  multiple glitches in the upload process that would keep me from getting it submitted by the deadline. So, unfortunately, the video never made it into competition and I wound up a sad little man.

I did actually belly flop a couple of times to get that shot, and I did get the cookie in the glass both times. It was just water in the glass though as we didn’t want milk splashing around in our pool. One Oreo did make it into the pool, and it was really cool because it dissolved at the bottom but stayed in its original shape until disturbed by an intruding hand. It then flew away in a cloud of chocolate particles and was sucked into the floor vent like a locust swarm from the Mummy.

This was one of Jeff‘s biggest rolls, as the Oreo stunt coordinator. I think he may have filmed another time but this was his largest direct involvement in any Live Charge production. Otherwise his main function was to watch and praise my work and make me feel better about making retarded crap on such a consistent basis.

The one ‘special effect’ in the whole video that was kind of rough was getting the Oreo to shoot out behind the bike. This required some fishing line and just the right camera angle so you couldn’t tell we were holding the bike off the ground. It also required John to use his sparse supply of muscles to hold the bike only an inch or two off the ground without it bouncing around or crushing the Oreo. Many a cookie lost its life in the making of that scene. Of course the end result was having a mildly crushed Oreo thrown in my face by a vindictive Dalbey who didn’t like his muscles being scrutinized.

Interesting fact: Oreos were introduced in 1912 and as of 2007 over 345 BILLION had been made.

Slightly less interesting fact: Doing belly flops while wearing a cheap inner tube is a quick way to regret life.

VASTLY less interesting fact: Oreos are 71% cookie and 29% cream.

(source for Oreo facts: Associated Press)

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When Nerds Attack could have been another possible title for this one. Our third video and one of the most fun to make for me. For some reason I never write myself into different characters, I end up playing myself or something similar more often than not and it bores me. That, of course begs the question: why not write up different characters for yourself?

Ultimately I’m the only one to blame, but in Riddle Me Geek I had a character that was delightfully over the top.

This video came about when some bored co-workers built a styrofoam castle out of all the packaging materials from a new shipment of computers. They wanted to do something with it before we tore it down and asked if I’d make a video about it. Of course a few minutes later I had a whole skit written out and the castle became a minor gag.

Our cardboard horse was the best part, IMHO, and Evan’s willingness to risk life and limb to joust with John and Brand made the whole thing worth while. My willingness to risk life and limb and get tossed into the castle was not, however, worth anything as you hardly see it happen and I almost broke a rib on the cement floor. None, I repeat, none of that styrofoam broke a single ounce of my fall. It seems humans fall faster and harder.

Interesting fact: That castle stood in front of an emergency exit for the better part of a week. The fire marshal should be ashamed of himself for letting that one go.

Slightly less interesting fact: if attacked by any form of seafood it’s probably NOT a good idea to pour butter on yourself because it’s likely you’ll get eaten by a very hungry, fat American.

VASTLY less interesting fact: this video is probably still running on the big screen at the lab’s front entrance.

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Well I did it finally, entered the Nikon Festival. I’d been meaning to do it ever since my sister told me about it but I’ve been pretty much paralyzed with doubt. Not in myself, but in what to do for an entry. In fact I thought about submitting an entry of me trying to figure out what to do for an entry.

The theme, rules, whatever was: “A day through your lens in 140 seconds or less.” Most of the entries are pretty artsy (or just ridiculously non sequitur) which makes me wonder what kind of a chance I have. Of course I went for more of a narrative/comedy, which for all I know puts us out of the running too.

But I wanted to be true to who we are if the goal is to get our name out there. That’s really what entering contests is about for me right now, but I’m still waiting for it to be approved so we’ll see if we even manage that. Of course winning would be AWESOME, but I won’t hold my breath. And if I do I’ll cheat by silently breathing through my nose.

I figure my chances at winning this competition are much like my chances at winning in Fantasy Football this week. I had a slow start to the season but cranked it up and took four weeks or so by storm. After propelling myself to an impressive 3rd place from last (impressive because Miller stacked his team in the draft and hasn’t looked back since) I’ve been struggling to maintain 4th and get into the playoffs. This is largely due to a few major injuries sustained on my team (Owen Daniels anyone) but also due to a lack of luck and/or general skill.

This week I’m going up against one of the league’s worst teams, “Holy Crip it’s a Crapple!” One would think losing to him impossible, but unfortunately for me I’m the worst team in the league now and have been operating mostly off luck for a while now.

As you can see, things don’t look too good for the ol’ Jayster. If I win this I’m in the playoffs, if the guy in 5th place (Urine Trouble) loses I’m in the playoffs. However if he wins and I lose this week it’s all over for me.

Unfortunately (things just keep getting worse don’t they?) he’s been on a killer streak for a few weeks and is projected to win while I’ve been struggling along and am projected to lose. Granted projections don’t mean jack when it comes down to Sunday, but it doesn’t look good.

Similarly my chances at winning the Nikon Festival could be construed as decent, if you’re a blind squirrel, but I have this horrible tendency to get strong armed out of competition. Note the Oreo Competition and Nesquik Competition videos. Neither ever made it in to competition due to some ‘technical error’ on their end.

This, my friends, is frustrating. And we all know the true reason they weren’t accepted: they… well actually I have no conspiracy for this. However I’m sure it was a conspiracy aimed at destroying my hopes and dreams! Or a technical error somewhere along the line. I’d rather think it wasn’t my fault either way.

I’m rambling. The point is I’ve entered us in the Nikon Festival and when it’s up I’ll post a link on here. So please, for the love of squirrels everywhere, go comment on it if and when it goes up, and vote for it if it makes it that far. I’ll love you forever, or at least 30 seconds. Whichever comes first.

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Music videos are fun I’ve decided, lots of fun. One of the things, however, that I’ve learned throughout all of my video experience is that something will go wrong. It’s a veritable guarantee that you’re going to sit down to edit and realize to your horror that someone walked through your background or somehow that one perfect action scene was framed completely wrong.

The filming of Mexidate was almost ruined by a busted microphone, which makes its presence known at the end of the video.

You can’t hear Morgan say “Everyone likes the smell of their own brand, right?” nor can you hear her plead with me to stay. And to make matters worse, the callback joke (which would have run after the credits) was lost as both girls were sounded completely unintelligible.

The only sound we got out of it was after I cranked the files by over 50DB, which is where the hissing comes from. That hissing washed out the girls’ voices completely, and so Jennifer Gfeller never even got to make her debut.

Anyways, Mexidate is obviously a video about where you shouldn’t go on your first date. And if it sounds angry it’s because that’s exactly how your sphincter feels in moments like that. Also I suck at writing rap lyrics and I’m unforgivably white so I should beg your forgiveness, but I’ll just hope you enjoy it in spite of my flaws as a human being.

The lyrics are as follows:

Oh no son, no you didn’t!
You just took a girl to Mexican?
On your first date?!
That’s worse than spaghetti y’all!
What you thinkin’ boss?

You just had Mexican
you’re on your first hot date
oh no man not again
you realize it too late

Those re-fried beans and you
don’t really mix that well
you check your glove box out
but you ain’t got nothin’ for this hell

Stop go traffic is your bane
your seat belt your nemesis
you just might go insane
a Smelly Joe she will not kiss

You’re in a world of pain
she’s such a cutie girl
you can’t give up your game
but you do not wanna hurl

You pull in at her house
you’re almost home free man
only twenty seconds more
then you can stink up the van

But she asks you to come in
she wants to watch a movie
what the heck’s her problem man?
can’t she tell your gastro’s screwy?

You get yourself inside
and then you break away
her bathroom’s way too nice
you’d reek it up for days

you’ll have to be a man
just suck it in for now
hold it in now if you can
even if you don’t know how

you sit down on the couch
she puts the movie in
you’re tryin’ not to groan
replace your grimace with a grin!

She sits down next to you
then wraps her arms around
you don’t know what to do
a solution cannot be found

she slowly starts to squeeze
and whispers in your ear
your intestines screaming ‘please!’
this is the apex of your fear!

You’ve pushed physical limits
out it comes with a great force
the seal it has been broken
the smell has no remorse!

You apologize profusely
you don’t know what to say
you look down ashamedly
but then she says it is ok

and guys are always smelly
it’s the price you have to pay
that’s the way it’s meant to be
perhaps those things will change someday

then just to prove her point
she says she does it too
she lets out a little toot and…
that’s disgusting dude

Interesting fact: We’re filmed walking into our friend Matt Roger’s house but are then filmed inside Jennifer’s appartment.

Slightly less interesting fact: Corona Village is the best place for Mexican eats in Cheney, and possibly the greater Spokane area.

VASTLY less interesting fact: I bought that purple shirt while living in France during the national sales. Great shirt.

We downloaded the beat from soundclick where they have lots of cool free beats. And yeah, I wrote it in 15 minutes which is why it lacks a little.

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My cousin Steve is down in LA working towards becoming an agent, his dream job as it were. While working down there for various temp agencies he had a lot of bad, bad experiences. You know, the kind of work experiences that only Hollywood can offer: getting fired for getting the wrong kind of coffee, breathing improperly in front of a client, etc.

Anyways, through all of his experiences he managed to stumble upon the Temp Diaries, a blog written by a mostly anonymous blogger under the name of TempX. It turns out that he has an annual film festival, or at least that’s what it’s turning into, and I managed to find this out on the last day he was accepting entries.

Of course I didn’t have anything to submit, but I’ve made it a goal to start entering these things if for no other reason than to get our videos out there, so I threw Satan’s Seat at him in hopes it would do just that. It’s the most film-studenty thing we’ve made, though it’s not even really that close.

Anyways, we didn’t win. In fact we placed so badly that we were only second to last in the alphabetically ordered ‘participants’ category. Oh well, perhaps we’ll make it someday. I think the grand prize was a DVD of Elvis on the Ed Sullivan show, talk about missing out. But up against competition like this…

You can check out the rest of the entries for the 2009 Il Festival di d’Arte Cinematografica di Assurdita’ here.

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Ah yes, our first video as Live Charge. John Dalbey, one of my best friends in the whole world who was one of my best friends in the whole world until he just told me that he’s not visiting me on his trip back from Germany and I made this on a whim as a video announcement for our church, New Community. They were having a photography/art day and wanted a creative way to announce it.

The story:

Some time before I moved to France, John and I had been playing around with starting to do some nerdcore. Don’t worry yourself it’s not something dirty. It’s basically nerdy, white guy, black tie rap about technology. Needless to say we never made it very far in the nerdcore scene.

However we did have an itch to do a music video, and when the opportunity popped up shortly after my return from the land of the frogs we jumped on it. You’ll notice I also had a sweet beard at this point in my life. I’d grown it while living abroad, a sign of solidarity with my distant country in some strange way. The ladies in my life tended to disagree with the awesomeness of said facial hair, but I had enough support from the fellas that I kept that thing for way too long (thanks a lot Garner, Scope).

I think I wrote Photonym in something like 15 minutes in the recording studio at EWU. I’m not sure but I know Mexidate was done in a similar time frame; regardless the lack of time spent shows through I’m sure. Not exactly a lyrical masterpiece. The track was one by Mr. Kooman and since it was a free-to-use download I’m hoping he doesn’t get mad at me down the road for using it.

We figured it’d be good to get some sweet dancing in there so we called up our buddy Brian and asked if he’d bust out some moves. Another friend, Kyle (KDUB), is a bit of a local legend as far as rapping goes so we figured we’d have him cameo. A bit of a stupid idea for a cameo though considering no one in our church knew who he was. It was fun to have him in it either way.

The lyrics are as follows:

Uh! Heck yeah y’all
-Mr. Kooman-
It’s time to roll, let’s do this uh!

Photography, the act of taking photos
you wanna mess with me? I’ll turn you Quasimodo
All of that to say I’ll hit you in the back
then dance in circles round you as my photos click and snap y’all

You want a piece of this?
You know you cannot handle this
Your aperture is way too small
Your viewfinder is bound to miss

You know I’ll take you down
I’ll make you smile I’ll make you frown
I’ll Photoshop your face and make you look just like a clown

Photology: The study of the photo
you know you are a geek
when you’re always flying solo

Photonomy: Is a photo in isolation
You know it is my fixation
An army base has a station!

Photogomy: Being loyal to one photo
You don’t wanna mess with mine
or I’ll kick you in the ho-ho! Yeah

*You know–

There are lots of things in life you can take photos of
like cats and dogs and baby birds and architecture yo

I took a picture of a man
he said his name was Stan
but in reality his name was Chase
so I shot him in the face y’all

*John originally repeated the “in your ho-ho” with quite a violently emphatic rhythm, but we edited it out just in case we’d offend anyone on Sunday morning. This was unfortunate however because the edited version was what ended up on YouTube, and it’s not nearly as funny (in our estimation).

And so began the trip down musical lane.

Interesting fact: that orange wall we danced in front of used to be a Burger King.

Slightly less interesting fact: we played the music from Dalbey’s car CD player and lip synced each shot.

VASTLY less interesting fact: filming by the dumpsters behind Safeway was a terribly (and literally) smelly idea.

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And I’m still working on the new site. The goal is to get it up and running in time for iSaber 4, which will be easy since I’ll probably never finish the video. I need to add a post here, but since I’m too tired to bother writing about something important I’m going to write about

BLOONS TOWER DEFENSE 4!!

Oh no... the Bloons... they're coming!

Talk about addicting, if you haven’t played Bloons TD before you should probably get started. That said, be warned that it may take over all of your precious internet time. Here’s an introduction:

Basically there are these evil balloons called ‘bloons’ that are trying to take over the Monkey Kingdom. In order to stop these atrociously colorful rubber contraptions from succeeding you have to set up various defense towers along their path and pop them before they reach their destination.

What exactly that destination is, no one is really sure. Largely because it’s off the map somewhere and archeologists have yet to discern where the Monkey Kingdom actually is. HOWEVER it is very real, and very important that you save the Monkey Kingdom… wherever it is.

I had to get another one in there with explosions for you

I’m too tired to write anything of substance, but I really just need filler to finish up the styling. So there we go.

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Like I haven’t changed the website enough times. I need to go back through and find screen shots of each version, this could actually be version 5 for all I know. However, the point is that it’s time for a fresh start, one that will be easier to keep up to date. That and I think I’ll make it my conglomerate blog, instead of trying to maintain the others that I have (which I take little time to do anyways).

All that said iSaber Battle 4 is on the way, and it should be sweet. I’m about 12h into the light sabers alone and it’s only amounted to maybe 1/4 of the way through… oh boy. Hopefully it’s worth it in the end though, and hopefully it wins me massive awards from… someone.

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